The last week or two had left me quite disoriented. I was aware of the paradigm shift of my conscious but I couldn’t pin point to what had caused this change in the centre I usually maintained in my head. I am a stoic, I consciously savour the peace of mind and contentment I have come to enjoy by training my brain for the last couple of months. Naturally, I couldn’t for the life of me construed the ingeniously warped turn my conscious had taken.
I revel in self talk, it is your best bet at your own sanity and it works wonders to consciously mark the difference between reality and the one you’ve created and helps you develop a wide set of eyes to change your awareness between both to decide- of all the possibilities that could stem, which one you want to live in.
The change made something clear, I wasn’t in touch with my archetypes. I wasn’t conversing anymore, I was striving hard to bring to fruition goals set by an older version of me, from an older spiral and I blamed the lack of connect with myself on being too busy get shit done. But I knew the detrimental path I’d set myself on. When every second of every day, my gut would be all over the place, only asking me to fix it.
My new intention on this new moon was a weak attempt at getting myself back on track. Weak because I didn’t work for it. I didn’t make as much effort, I kept forgetting the exact intention too.
A couple of days back, I watched an archetype die.
There was backlash that materialised in the physical world and it came out of nowhere. It charged like a battering ram and collapsed into my cosmic space to shatter my citadel. Disappointment coloured every single spectrum of my existence. It was coming from a close friend, at first I didn’t know why it happened until I did. If I was the same person as I was a couple of years ago, I would have said some unsavoury, hurtful things to my friend. There were so many instances where I could have said something hurtful to stop the hurtful words being hurled at me from the other side. It took me all the courage in me to muster as much understanding and love to deal with the situation as a level headed person. It was successful, my friend apologised for the unintended consequences of his judgement call and the situation was dealt with. Well, not for me, I continued the rest of my day by putting my head into all the work coming my way and then at night, I came undone. Turns out, as I gently acknowledged my friend’s misdeed and gave my most understanding and loving self to prevent bitterness, I also acknowledged the archetype who didn’t work for me anymore or didn’t want to work for me and as I dissuaded the fight with my close friend, I bid goodbye to the other.
Putting myself into my work just delayed my realisation to shift from the betrayal of a physical friend to letting go of my spirit one and as I wept that night, I poured out tears to fill the space in my conscious left empty. The death of an archetype, my dear friend.